Midnight Cedar Tree

I hate missing a feeling.

I mistake nostalgia

For the pain of missing a person—

Not a feeling.

I look at someone I used to know

And wonder what happened to them?

Where is the person I used to know,

Used to love?

Then i always catch myself,

Because it isn’t the person that i’m missing,

It’s the feeling.

They were always like this—

I just didn’t know them enough.

The feelings I felt—

The happiness,

Safety,

Trust—

I felt was all there.

They built it,

And convinced me

That their shadows were real.

But I can’t hold on to shadows.

I hate missing a feeling.

I mistake their faces

For the feeling of love

That used to burn in me.

But they’ll never be who they were,

And I’ll never get those moments back.